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Mine Creek Revelations: Using A Beanflip

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YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out of the newspaper’s window on Main Street and I am guessing that you might not have a real good grasp of what NASA did Monday.

So I will explain. It’s like we used a beanflip and shot a rock from Nashville to Mineral Springs. When the rock got there we steered it to hit a vienna sausage can lying on its side circling a large cantaloupe.

Seriously, we took a multi-million dollar spacecraft and aimed it at an asteroid that was orbiting around another one.

I’m making this as simple as I can. One of the asteroids was named Demophusomething and the other was named Debomphusomething. I do not know why someone feels compelled to give them such difficult names.

Anyway, we guided that rock and it hit Depomphusomething. Of course it more or less ruined the spacecraft but we didn’t care. In fact, the NASA perfessers would have been disappointed if it HADN’T slammed into D-something.

The whole object was to see if we could adjust one D-something’s orbit around the other D-something. If the perfessers were successful then we could assume that we could alter the path of any other asteroid that might be actually aimed at Earth and would thereby eliminate humans just like the dinosaurs were eliminated by an asteroid.

This was quite a feat — guiding that rock millions of miles to slam into the smaller of two asteroids that were pretty doggone small anyway. We won’t know for several days if we altered the path of D-something.

As both of you can see I have a pretty good grasp of it all.

What I can’t understand is how we can send a spacecraft millions of miles to a little bitty target, and we can’t invent an easy-opening adult proof aspirin bottle.

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AT THE Nashville City Council meeting Monday, the mayor suggested that property owners be given an extra 90 days to show clean-up progress. If there is no progress then the city council could pass the resolutions condemning the property.

The mayor then said: “If that happens it won’t be my problem.” meaning that by that time Nashville would have a new mayor.

Everyone chuckled at his remark. Except me. I haven’t approached either mayoral candidate for his view on designating me as Nashville’s Official Downtown J-Turn Enforcement Officer.

I hesitate to put the pressures of office on either man at this time.

I have to assume that both of them are aware of the great need for an Official Downtown J-Turn Officer, so I continue to hope that something will finally get done.

Once that’s done I can begin working on the state police to go ahead and give me a concealed carry automatic weapon permit.

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ANIMAL CRACKERS. The owl is gone. I am repeating this because I already miss him/her. I am fairly sure that the owl has no problem accepting its own gender.

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THE GOOD EARTH. Out of my own ignorance for many years I cussed the autumn blooming Goldenrod plant. You know, the tall green thingy with yellow (golden) feathery thingys on top.

I thought that it was Goldenrod that gave my allergies such fits.

But then I learned that Goldenrod is actually an ingredient in allergy mediations, and it is the cussed ragweed that is causing my sneezing and wheezing.

I do not know how to tell the difference between the two plants. All I know is that they bloom at the same time and they look a lot alike.

I know that we are supposed to have some really hot days ahead of us, but I swear that the smell of fall is dominating the air during my pre-dawn neighborhood stroll.

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#1 FAIR WEATHER Razorback Fan. I am guessing that there will be coaches all over America this week exhorting offensive backs and receivers NOT to extend the ball in order to get it over the end zone stripe.

That little miscue cost the Missouri Tigers a win against Auburn. And it meant a two touchdown swing for the Arkansas Razorbacks in their game against Texas A&M.

I do love watching college football on tv. Many, many times I have seen the ball carrier either lose the ball before it breaks the plane of the end zone, or they ignorantly drop the ball too soon.

If the Razorbacks have learned their lesson, I confidently predict we will break our losing streak to Alabama, Saturday.

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WORD GAMES. Here are more words that go together in some context: Forgive and Forget.

One is rumored to be easy and the other never happens.

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THINGS I LEARNED by opening the email: Your body uses 300 muscles just to balance itself when you are standing still.

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HE SAID: “Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own.” Aesop, Greek slave and storyteller who is only rumored to have existed

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SHE SAID: “‘Thank you’ is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.” Alice Walker, American novelist and social activist

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby

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