YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out of the newspaper’s window on Main Street and I have to pause and give my sincere thanks and a deep apology for running a stop sign last Saturday morning.
I was driving west toward the hospital. I passed the county fair and was reflecting with pride on what a good job the fair board has done. My mind was wandering when I realized I had just sailed through the four-way stop.
There were cars stopped and waiting their turn on two of those roads, and lucky for me they didn’t pull out in front of my buggy. Their minds weren’t wandering.
I am so grateful that my inattention didn’t result in harm to anyone. My apologies to those other drivers whom — I must repeat — were properly stopped and awaiting their turn. I am so lucky no one was hurt.
And I am also lucky that there were no law enforcement officers present to witness my transgression. I feel I should manfully turn myself in to the proper authorities and pay the price for the infraction.
But, to whom should I turn myself in? (I bet the grammar teachers loved this sentence.)
I don’t have the answer so I will report myself to Nashville’s Unofficial Downtown J-Turn Enforcement Officer. He’ll know what to do, and he will surely apply the law fair and square.
Seriously, my thanks to the Almighty and my apologies to those other drivers.
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ANIMAL CRACKERS. Heard the last several mornings on my predawn walk — an owl. Don’t know how long they live, but I’ve heard one — maybe this very one — over the passage of several years. The most recent ‘hearing’ was probably three years ago. If it follows past actions it will hang around in the neighborhood for a week or so, then it will be gone.
I’m pretty sure it’s an owl. There is a definite difference between the cooooo of a pigeon and the whoooo of an owl. Besides, I think pigeons are daytime fliers.
Not every owl says whooooo. A screech owl makes an awful and scary sound. I heard one very close at — of all places — the eerie, dark, abandoned railroad tracks on which I had walked a quarter mile or so hoping to get another glimpse of the Gurdon Light.
Scared me out of 10 years of growth and turned my hair silver!
The owl’s screech sent me scooting hurriedly back to the safety of my truck. It was only by talking to some knowledgeable folks later that I learned what I had heard was mostly likely a screech owl. At the time I was pretty sure it was a bloodsucking swamp hoo-doo.
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MY ADVICE to the school: buy some glittery outfits for our swell twirling majorettes. The football team has black pants, orange pants and white pants. They have orange jerseys, white jerseys and black jerseys.
Get the ladies some glittering uniforms. Maybe even white boots.
You’re welcome.
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#1 FAIR WEATHER Razorback Football Fan. South Carolina’s Rattler was a good quarterback surrounded by a so-so team. Still, the Gamecocks often had receivers running wide-open in the Razorback secondary. Mr. Rattler, like the Cincinnati QB a week earlier, simply overthrew or missed the receivers, or the Hogs might’ve got beat.
The Razorbacks were lucky and sure do need to work on pass coverage. This deficiency is nothing new, it is almost a Razorback trademark for several years. I will be happy to point this out to Coach Pittman if someone will give me a different number for his office. The people on the other end of the phone line accidentally hang up when they learn the call is from me.
I’ll guarantee that Coach Bobby Petrino of the Missouri State Somethings has noticed the way we cover receivers.
Another thing: Last week for the first time in history I rooted for for the Texas Longhorns. I always root for whomever is playing Alabamamama. Seems to me that the Tide got a most helpful call from the refs in that game. Let me guess — were the game officials from the Southeastern Conference? My most objective opinion is that the SEC home office in Alabama has a vested interest in keeping the Crimson Tide in the national title conversation.
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WORD GAMES. Here are more words that go together in some context: Grin and Bear It.
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THINGS I LEARNED by opening the email: The dot over the letter “i” is called a tittle. So, what is a jot and a tittle? Where does the tittle go when the I is capitalized?
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HE SAID: “The people of the State of Texas consist principally of men, women, and children, with a sprinkling of cowboys. The weather is very good, thermometer rarely rising above 2,500 degrees in the shade and hardly ever below 212.” O. Henry, the pen name for William Sydney Porter, an American writer who was once sentenced to time in prison for embezzlement
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SHE SAID: “I know of no single formula for success. But over the years I have observed that some attributes of leadership are universal and are often about finding ways of encouraging people to combine their efforts, their talents, their insights, their enthusiasm and their inspiration to work together.” Elizabeth II, House of Windsor
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
