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Mine Creek Revelations: Marching Misteaks

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YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out of the newspaper’s window on Main Street and I am in great fear for the future defense of our country after watching the prelims of Saturday’s Army-Navy football game on TV.

The home team was Army and the whole Corps of Cadets marched onto the field pre-game. Did I say march?

I’ve seen many junior high bands that ‘marched’ better than the cadets.

Enlisted military pukes like me know how to keep in step with everyone else. And how to keep lines straight in ranks.

This is also true for anyone who has ever marched in a high school band behind a delightful straight line of graceful majorettes. But I digress.

“Get in step, Tommy!”

Boy, if someone got ‘out of step’ it really stood out because his or her head bobbed up when everyone else’s head bobbed down. All of the ones that were in step yelled at the one that wasn’t.

“Get in step, Tommy! Everyone can see you’re out of step!”

So, on national TV, the whole country was treated to a shameful display of Army military student knuckleheads who couldn’t march worth a darn. How can we trust the nation’s defense to them?

When you see newsreels of North Korean troops or Chinese troops, there’s not a one that is out of step. Possibly because he or she might have to undergo a severe three-year marching remediation camp; with beheading for a second offense.

Let me just modestly add the following to my already impressive list of qualifications for Downtown J-Turn Enforcement Officer:

• I marched in the Nashville Junior Scrapper Band without being shouted at even one time.

• I marched in the Nashville Senior Scrapper Band behind an impressive line of majorettes without being shouted at (if you don’t count the majorette moms) even one time.

• I marched in Navy Boot Camp Company 153 and was never singled out for severe marching remediation camp. Or beheading.

I am fairly sure that by adding a line “Can March Better Than the Entire Corps of Cadets at West Point” to my resume´ the mayor will finally have to take notice of my application to fill this vital position.

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ANIMAL CRACKERS. Dennis Ritchie visited to tell me that earlier in December he heard loud cicadas somewhere in the tree line behind his house west of town. A December night, not August.

No, he says, he didn’t leave a tractor motor running. Nor was it a whirring well pump. He admits to needing hearing aids, but says he can darn well recognize a cicada when he hears it.

We agreed that we DID NOT have the Extreme Summer of the Cicadas as forecast by some experts.

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CHRISTMAS SEASON miracle. We’ve gone more than three weeks and there have been no police reports of anyone running into or over the downtown Christmas Tree. There have been some mighty close calls.

For example, a blue Dodge dually truck pulling a livestock trailer did cause some hearts to skip a beat, last Friday night about 9.

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STOLEN. Someone is stealing papers from some of our newsstands in Nashville and Dierks.

I know it’s just 75 cents, but we worked a whole week to produce that issue of the paper. Every 75c counts.

At some places there are cameras placed so that we might be able to catch the thief. We’ll be checking those. 

In the meantime our best chance to catch them is with help from the public. If you see someone taking a handful of papers from a newsstand, please rat on them.

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PLEASE GET the Covid-19 vaccine. I saw a news item last week where a north Texas radio evangelist who had broadcast anti-vaccine messages found himself dead after several miserable days on a ventilator. His widow said it was Covid that got him. His son said it was a spiritual attack. Maybe. I’d put my money on Covid.

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HEARD FROM. Often when I am news-surfing on the Internet I play choral music from an English outfit called Kings College Cambridge. I noticed this weekend that I can understand the lyrics of the Christmas songs they sing, unlike how I must turn on ‘closed captioning’ to understand dialog in the British detective shows which I like.

I wonder if the Brits have a hard time understanding us Arkies.

They shouldn’t. We speak perfectly good English.

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WORD GAMES. The twins: Up and At ’Em. Early risers.

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HE SAID: “Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” George Carlin, stand-up comedian and onetime rock DJ on KEEL-AM radio, Shreveport

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SHE SAID: “Girls are capable of doing everything men are capable of doing. Sometimes they have more imagination than men.” Katherine Johnson mathematician and NASA scientist

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby

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