YES, I AM STILL HERE peeking out of the newspaper’s window on Main Street and I have grudgingly been allowed to join the crew that has been looking for the #1 Fair Weather Razorback Football Fan since Saturday about 6 p.m.
He just dropped off the face of the earth, although no one has filed a missing persons report at the police station. According to one officer, the whole department would be surprised if any decent citizen filed a report.
The police aren’t being mean, just practical.
“If we had to take a missing persons report then we’d have to issue a truthful printed description of the missing person. What could we say that wouldn’t be considered offensive by the many fine, genuine and officially sworn J-Turn Enforcement Officers in other towns in our lovely state?”
The search party is confident he’ll turn up at lunch time.
Actually, I think you might find him out on his patio where he most likely went just before kickoff (that’s where he usually goes when he’s afraid that some player is going to do something dumb that the other team will turn into game-winning points).
Now he’s probably embarrassed to come out of hiding because he’ll have to admit that he missed one of the greatest games in Razorback history. He just couldn’t stand the thought of getting slaughtered at home and on national TV by the doggone Texas Longhorns! I’m just saying what I THINK the #1 Fair Weather Razorback Football Fan would say. Don’t know for sure.
The #1 Fan’s granddaughter, Miss Carsyn Elizabeth Murphy, is a freshman at the UofA and went to her first Razorback game. I am sure she stormed the field afterward, and I can only hope she didn’t go to Dickson Street after the game.
She was stunned to learn what real majorettes are. See, at her high school they had a flag line, like every other decent high school in Arkansas, plus they had a drill team with boys and girls carrying wooden rifles. Their school called them ‘majorettes.’
She had never before seen girls in sparkling costumes twirling fire batons and strutting out in front of the band.
There’s nothing wrong with flag lines or drill teams, but I’m sure you’ll agree with me that there is just nothing that measures up to authentic twirling majorettes prancing juuuuuust out of the reach of the trombone line. There is a life story here.
Some majorettes from my day are still around, and I can assure you that they are STILL juuuust out of the reach of the trombone line.
There’s mention on this topic farther down in this column.
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AND SPEAKING OF TWIRLERS, here we are.
By virtue of the pregame and halftime performances by the Marching Razorback Band, Miss Carsyn Elizabeth Murphy now knows what real majorettes are.
Scrapper fans are going to learn Friday, Oct. 1, at halftime of the Nashville homecoming game with Fountain Lake when — I have been informed by a semi-reliable source — there will be a genuine twirling majorette out in front of the Scrapper band for the first time since 1988.
Someone should warn her about the trombone section.
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PLEASE GET the Covid vaccine. To the best of my knowledge there have been very few reports of anyone who died from vaccination side-effects but lots of stories of people who died and hadn’t been vaccinated at all.
If you wear a mask in crowds and you get the vaccine, you’re not only protecting yourself, you’re protecting people around you. Little kids can’t get the vaccine, but they CAN catch the virus from YOU. So, please get your free shot.
And remember, if you’ve had the vaccine you can come down with the virus anyway. It just won’t be as bad. If you have the virus but no symptoms you can still be a spreader.
Here’s a story from ‘USA Today:’
A 74-year-old Alabama man died of heart complications because hospital cardiac ICU rooms were full and he could not be admitted. The family issued a statement saying that 43 hospitals across three states were unable to take him in because their ICU rooms were clogged ….. with Covid patients.
Please get the shot, his family pleaded in the publication.
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THINGS I LEARNED from opening an email. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but just one, what do you call it? Odd? End?
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WORD GAMES. The Siblings: R & B. My kind of music. Also known by their whole names — Rythm and Blues Music.
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby