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Mine Creek Revelations: Throw A Shoe

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YES, I AM STILL HERE looking out my window on Main Street, and I want to share with you a great education idea I had while watching college football on tv.

These days if a player catches a 5-yard pass or falls forward just enough for a first down, he immediately runs to open space (so everyone in the stadium and on tv can get a good look) and then he does some kind of shimmy dance to say, “Hey, look at me!”

In fact, last Saturday a player at Florida ripped off his opponent’s shoe and hurled it downfield 20 yards after making a tackle which denied the other team a first down. That showboating cost his team a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty and instead of giving up the ball, the other team got into field goal range which it promptly hit, winning the game.

Ooooooo, that hurts! Boy, I bet that player was reluctant to face his coach and teammates in the locker room after the game. His attention-getting act might have cost his team an appearance in the national championship tournament, too. It sure did make the team’s fans mad and that player will forever be remembered for his stupid, selfish act.

But, back to my education idea, and I offer it to all area public schools at no charge whatsoever.

•What if students celebrated wildly after scoring an A on a pop quiz, or answering a difficult history question in class, or getting a gold star for writing a swell essay? •What if someone threw a shoe because she aced the biology test? •What if some second-grader did a backflip because he remembered the words to ‘O, Come All Ye Faithful’ for the online Christmas performance? Wouldn’t it be great?

There are many things more important than making a tackle or catching a ball and there may be a silver lining to this lowlife craziness.

Maybe the tv networks will stop showing the North Texas walk-off punt return for a touchdown from two Hog seasons ago. We can hope.

It also occurs to me that IF Nashville should somehow get a duly appointed Downtown J-Turn Enforcement Officer he or she might need to figure out some fancy way to celebrate after handing a ticket to a motorist who had brazenly turned across the center line to illegally sneak into a parking spot on the other side.

If the un-deputized J-Turn Enforcement Officer wasn’t thinking clearly he might do a cartwheel in front of the city police officer who gave out the J-Turn ticket. But I digress and endanger myself at the same time.

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CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? My ‘News-Leader’ colleagues have been giving me a hard time about my hearing loss. It’s true, and it gets a little worse every day.

After our friendly banter about hearing loss (I must assume it was friendly because I might have missed a comment or two), I went to a place called Facebook.

As soon as I got there, hearing aid ads began popping up on the screen.

That’s gone on for three days and I wonder when it will stop.

I believe my phone was listening and it forwarded the information to Facebook who blabbed to all the advertisers.

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 IN A NAME. Sometime next year the Cleveland Indians pro baseball team will drop its nickname. The owner doesn’t yet know what the new name will be.

I can suggest something and it shouldn’t offend anyone. Call the team the Plump Anglo Geezers. Named after me. I won’t take offense.

Seriously, I ‘get’ how the name and the old team logo offended some folks. “Can’t we all just get along?”

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HOPE FOR SENIOR ATHLETES. Like myself.

The International Olympic Committee has announced that Breakdancing will be an Olympic competition beginning in 2024. Thank goodness I’ve got a few years to get into shape and sharpen my routine.

Will they deduct points if I play Country Music with my routine instead of that awful hip-hop noise?

My main worry is what kind of costume a breakdancer needs. I am wondering if my collection of Army-Navy Surplus camo outfits would be alright. They look pretty good although they are getting a bit tight across the tummy. I don’t want breakdance athletes from foreign countries laughing at me because of my choice in outfit or music.

I first became interested in this competition because I thought it was BROKE DANCING, and I sure was qualified.

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DROOL. My deepest and most sincere (burp) thanks to Jo N. Howard and Jenny Chandler, both of whom brought splendid Christmas season candies to our newspaper office after reading a recent column.

The best way I have to thank them is to reserve a warning ticket in case they ever get caught making a J-Turn downtown.

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WORD GAMES. The twins: Peace and Quiet. Sssssssh, please.

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HE SAID: “There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.” American professor and sociologist Robert Staughton Lynd

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SHE SAID: “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” Child actress Shirley Temple

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby