YES, I AM STILL HERE looking out my window on Main Street, and I am wondering if anyone is surprised that a small asteroid is supposed to make a REALLY REALLY close brush by the earth on the day before the General Election.
Why not? What else could happen? Sorry I said that.
Think about what 2020 has given us so far: (not in order) floods, tornado, murder hornets, the Sahara dust storm, Covid-19, riots and protests, toilet paper shortage, snake in my bedroom, snake in my swimming pool, another snake in my swimming pool and a double hurricane.
What have I forgotten to list?
Oh, yeah. There will actually be TWO small asteroids making a pass by Dear Ole Mother Earth within days of each other in early November.
Here’s what worries me the most about the flybys: NASA scientists have assured us that we have nothing to worry about; the asteroids will pass by harmlessly.
To me, that pretty well insures that both of them will slam into the earth, causing mass destruction, killing all the dinosaurs and disrupting the election that Mr. Trump would have otherwise won by a landslide.
One of the asteroids will probably wipe out the M&Ms Peanut factory. The other one will probably hit Don W. Reynolds Razorback Stadium just as the Hogs are about to win their first SEC game in three years. The stadium lights will go out and the game will be called off with Alabamamama ahead by one point and the Arkie deadeye kicker lined up to kick the game-winning 15-yard field goal with no time remaining.
Admit it, you know that it would happen exactly this way.
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THIS WEEKEND our local football season begins, and the annual football contest is in this issue of the paper.
There’s the Predictions in which JR, myself, Eddie Cobb and a guest picker mark down the teams we think will win. We do this to show off our knowledge of the game and of local teams.
The Circle Contest is for everyone else. You circle the teams that you think will win. The last listed game almost always involves the Scrappers, and you must jot down that score. We use that score as a tiebreaker. Whoever picks the closest to the actual margin of the game wins our weekly prize, usually something swell to eat.
There is no prize in the Predictions Contest. During the season my ole buddy Eddy Cobb (record holder for the shortest punt in Scrapper history) is a math whiz and he gives us each picker’s prediction percentages each week. By chance, he finishes most seasons with the best picking percentage. I usually finish last, even behind the guest picker(s).
Nobody doublechecks Eddie’s math, though.
Eddie is also a sharp-eyed ‘spotter’ in the Scrapper Stadium pressbox, helping the announcer with the identities of the players who made catches, tackles, runs, punt returns, etc.
Now, as to Eddie’s record of shortest Scrapper punt, he swears there was a strong headwind that night. I’ll leave it at that.
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I CAN REMEMBER when there was some mystery at the conventions of the political parties.
Several candidates would be competing and (maybe) the issue wasn’t already settled before the convention began. I do remember parades and ‘demonstrations’ inside the convention facilities. Some delegates wore crazy outfits. There was always someone from Tennessee wearing a coonskin hat …. at both party conventions. I even think I remember someone wearing a tall hat that looked like the Empire State Building. Guess what state he was from.
I regretfully tell you that I do not watch much of today’s political conventions, just as I do not watch the State of the Union address by any sitting president.
In my opinion they are all show and drama. And any sign of truth, civility and good manners is long gone.
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ANIMAL CRACKERS.
I am going to hang a black banner over my bluebird house. I haven’t spotted the parents in two weeks and there are still four tiny blue eggs apparently abandoned in the nest.
Maybe the bird house is just jinxed, although I have had batches there before. Someone suggested that the bird house, which has full afternoon sun exposure, just gets too hot.
I am hopeful that someone can advise me. Should I just empty the birdhouse of eggs and nest? Keep the nest and respectfully dispose of the eggs?
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THINGS I LEARNED from opening (and believing) anonymous emails: “All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.”
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WORD GAMES. Another famous couple: Sampson and Delilah. They argued about his hair. He liked it long; she liked it short.
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HE SAID: “If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.” Confucius, philosopher
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SHE SAID: “I have encountered riotous mobs and have been hung in effigy, but my motto is: Men’s rights are nothing more. Women’s rights are nothing less.” Susan B. Anthony, women’s rights activist
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
