Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Hateful Houseflies

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Hateful Houseflies

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YES, I AM still here looking out this window on Main Street, and I’ve spent a lot of time alone, lately, and the lingering question I ask myself is: Will the donut shop reopen?

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KEEN OBSERVATION. I’ve watched a tiny sparrow chasing a male cardinal in recent days. The cardinal visits the peanut table on my patio. It’s a struggle, but he manages to pick up a small peanut and fly to an open spot on the ground under the hedge at the other end of the patio. There, he disappears into the bush, followed by the sparrow. After a bit the sparrow hops out and flies away.

I do not know what they do under the bush, although I fear the worst.

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ANIMAL CRACKERS. After saying “Ha” to a friend who swiftly became a former friend because I teased her for complaining about the pesky houseflies which she sez have taken over her household, my own household has been inundated with those hateful creatures.

Some people would call this ‘Karma.’

My observation (which is probably just as scientific as half of the scientific advisors fired so far by the White House) is that these hateful houseflies like to land on the floor, and rarely stay long enough at any one place for me to have a decent swat at it.

But, by Tuesday I had eliminated 18 houseflies from the gene pool.

I have two swell flyswatters, but I have to keep one in my bedroom and another in the kitchen, at opposite ends of the house.

There is a reason for this. The flies have apparently learned to follow me around. This reveals my own movements about the house — mostly to those two rooms.

I spend lots of time in the kitchen where I, naturally, cook and eat.

A lot.

And in the bedroom where I go to gloat over the stacks of toilet tissue  neatly piled 6-ft. high against the wall. I managed to acquire the toilet tissue at black market prices from my Uncle Parry (see comments below).

My lingering question is: “How do these hateful flies keep getting inside my hermetically-sealed abode?”

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A HAPPY BIRTHDAY of sorts. On Friday, April 17, of last week, three Arkansas counties celebrated their formation in 1873.

Howard, Cleveland and Lee counties.

Cleveland County was named after a new US President, Grover Cleveland; Lee was named for Gen. Robert E. Lee, hero of the Confederacy.

Howard County was formed from Pike, Polk, Hempstead and Sevier counties. We’re named for State Senator Something Howard.

Both Lee and Cleveland counties are way east of us. In fact, Lee County is about as far east of us as you can get and still be in Arkansas.

It is probably pretty controversial among some folks that an Arkansas county is named after a Confederate general from Virginia. But I say we need to name MORE counties after generals who warred against the United States of America. Like, Gen. Hideki Tojo, Empire of Japan, and Herr Gen. Hermann Goering of the Third Reich.

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THE INCREDIBLE and Mostly Unbelievable Adventures of Uncle Parry Normal: Uncle Parry says that wearing a coronavirus facemask isn’t so bad. He doesn’t have to brush his teeth nearly as often as suggested by Good ‘Ol Doc Painless during any of Uncle Parry’s free visits to the prison dentist.

His teeth — what there are left of them — are so far apart that he could use pieces of  1/8th inch nylon ski rope for flossing. If only he flossed.

He just happens to have a supply of the 1/8th inch nylon rope on hand because it was invitingly coiled atop a cooler in a boat that was unattended at SWAHA landing on Lake Greeson during a recent fishing tournament.

Uncle Parry frequently and gainfully inspects all unattended boats and unlocked cars.

He also recently found an unlocked door at a chain grocery warehouse and helped himself to a truckload of toilet tissue (see article above).

If you’re having trouble visualizing Uncle Parry, think of Deputy Festus Haggen on the old ‘Gunsmoke’ tv program. Except that Uncle Parry isn’t near as sophisticated, honest or clean as Festus (But, he’s got toilet tissue if you’ve got the money).

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening (and believing) email: “Men can read smaller print than women can; but women can hear better.”

This is not a fair comparison. If women would only speak louder and more clearly, then we men could hear just as good as they do.

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WORD GAMES. Another set of twins: Hem and Haw. Some people just cannot make up their minds.

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HE SAID: “It’s not like I was trying to be sexy but I had to get fit because I had to be able to do stunts. Also I wanted that, if Bond took his clothes off, he looked like a man who did what he did, which was kill people for a living. I thought the only way to do that was to work out and get fit and buff and get physically into shape.” Daniel Craig, UK actor who plays 007

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SHE SAID: “Women have fought so long and hard for our rights and equality, and now all our attention is put on being a size 0.” Pink, modern American vocalist

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby