Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Social Distancing

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Social Distancing

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YES, I AM still here looking out of my window on Main Street, and wondering why Facebook sets a limit to how many people can see my extremely important posts.

I’ve got at least a dozen ‘friends’ on Facebook, but half of them apparently do not see my posts for a day or even longer after posted. I think this is what they mean by Social Media Distancing.

Some folks feared a J-Turn frenzy downtown when word got out of my temporary halt to my campaign to be deputized — DON’T WORRY! I hereby withdraw that stupid thought! When the Nashville City Council meets next week I will renew my clarion call to be designated Nashville’s armed and uniformed Official Downtown J-Turn Officer. I hope you will be there to support me. You need not be armed or in your own uniform, but it suddenly strikes me that there might be profit in selling child-sized J-Turn Enforcement Officer costumes next Halloween. But that’s another story and I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested.

What changed my mind? There came a flood of J-Turn offenses almost immediately after last week’s paper came out with the column in which I unselfishly halted my campaign in order to assist in our nation’s war on the coronavirus. I now hear that the threat of J-Turns may be more believable than the liberal media hoax about the virus.

I realize that someone will rat me out to the president. He has many informants out there. As I said last week, some of them would love to squeal on me in return for a high Cabinet position or an ambassadorship to a warm Mediterranean country, or a complimentary night’s lodging including continental breakfast in the Epstein Suite at Trump Towers.

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THE GOOD EARTH. All the bad news about the virus and the economy cannot hold back the joys of spring. Just look at the blooming redbuds and pears. Dogwoods and wisteria aren’t far away.

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THE LYING MEDIA. Our president says the media is out to ‘get him’ and that we should not trust anything except from his friendly, honest sources. Of course I agree.

So, my most trusted source of information these days is the monthly publication of the Dollar Shave Club which sends me razor blades every two months (I could explain why the publication is called ‘monthly’ even though I only get it every other month but that is another story and I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested).

Anyway, the newsletter has much helpful information like: One pair of feet has a quarter of a million (250,000) sweat glands which can make a half-pint of sweat EVERY DAY.

One thing that likes to live in sweaty socks is bacteria, and I’m thinking that stinky feet could be a major source of the coronavirus.

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SOUR GRAPES. A number of reasons — including my fear of driving a long way alone and of driving on eight lanes in a really big city — convinced me to cancel plans to attend a three-day reunion in San Diego last week with some US Navy helicopter aircrewman buddies. We served together in overlapping years in the mid-60s. Some of them survived harrowing experiences flying search and rescue missions in Vietnam. By comparison, my flights were mostly milk runs.

Anyway, I cowardly cancelled my plans to go to San Diego.

Actually, the meeting was to be at Imperial Beach, Calif., located between San Diego and Tijuana, Mexico, because that is where our helicopter squadron was based when not aboard an aircraft carrier.

So, last week about a half dozen of my old buddies gathered at a pricey hotel in Imperial Beach without Louie. One of the guys who stayed in California had been in touch with our old squadron which is now based at North Island Naval Air Station at Coronado, just across the bay from San Diego. He got the squadron commander to agree to give us a tour.

But when the group drove up to the gate at North Island N.A.S. for the arranged tour, they were turned away by the Marine guards. Coronavirus, the Leathernecks explained.

Then the group motored back to their hotel and — being sailors — went straight to the bar. But before they could toast each other and tell some sea stories, a pair of sheriff’s deputies came in and closed the bar. All bars and dining rooms in Imperial Beach were being shut down. Coronavirus, the deputies said.

I’m sorry I didn’t get to be with my friends again. I’m sorry I didn’t get to see the old base, and visit our old squadron (Heck, the current commanding officer of the squadron wasn’t yet born when our bunch served). But not nearly as sorry as I would have been if I faced a three-day drive back to Arkansas.

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THINGS I LEARNED from believing email: “It wasn’t until 1935 that a manufacturer was able to promise Splinter-Free Toilet Paper.”

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WORD GAMES. Another set of twins: Eat and Run. Slow down and visit for a few minutes, but at a distance, please!

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HE SAID: “Nothing happens quite by chance. It’s a question of accretion of information and experience.” Dr. Jonas Salk, medical researcher

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SHE SAID: “I have an almost complete disregard of precedent, and a faith in the possibility of something better. It irritates me to be told how things have always been done. I defy the tyranny of precedent. I go for anything new that might improve the past. Clara Barton, Civil War nurse who founded the American Red Cross

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby