ANIMAL CRACKERS. Where do elephants go to die?
As a boy I breathlessly read stories about explorers in Africa who were always on the lookout for the Great Elephants Graveyard because of the mountain of ivory tusks that would be found there. Ivory apparently holds up pretty well against the elements and, at least at that time in history, more elephants were dying of old age than at the hands of poachers or human hunters with high-powered rifles.
The Great Elephants Graveyard myth was that the big beasts went to the ‘Great Elephants Graveyard’ to die resulting in huge piles of valuable ivory. Somehow they knew when and where to go.
In my home I have the food container version of the Great Elephants Graveyard. There are literally hundreds of food container tops and bottoms — none of which match.
Last weekend I decided to rid myself of these mismatched tops and bottoms. I filled — not one, but TWO — 30-gal. trash bags with the pieces. In the process, I emptied two kitchen cabinets and the guest bedroom.
How can there be so many name brands, sizes, shapes and ways to save food? Wide ones, narrow ones, oblong ones, round ones, blue tops, pink tops, yellow tops, green tops. Some with messages (Snooky bbq, 9-9-87) whatever that was.
There are some cheap store brand containers that never quite seal and will fall apart after first use; and some pricey ones that will last centuries, just like those elephant tusks.
There is a wide range of sizes. One is small enough to hold just one piece of M&Ms Peanut candy. Another is big enough to hold a whole Thanksgiving turkey. With trimmings.
Before I could haul the two trash bags out to the already-overloaded green WasteManagement cart, I was struck with a brilliant idea.
Notice to the City of Nashville: Feel free to use this brilliant idea at no charge.
The City of Nashville Parks and Recreation Department has held several very successful community yard sales in the past. People flock to the park and go from table to table looking for bargains (or useless stuff to take home for their own garage sales next weekend).
Why not have a Great Community Surplus Food Container Swap in the park?
We’ll need to think of a sparkly, memorable name for the event for promotion on Facebook, just in case Great Community Surplus Food Container Swap isn’t sparkly enough.
I don’t know if there is a fee for participating in the city’s community yard sale, but there should be a modest one for the Great Community Surplus Food Container Swap. Maybe a dime.
All proceeds could go to fund a Downtown J-Turn Enforcement Officer — something our community desperately needs but just cannot seem to get. I know that the mayor is probably distracted with budgets and getting the town ready for Christmas, but he needs to divert his attention for just long enough to deputize me whilst my camo Army surplus uniforms still fit..
I believe that downtown Nashville would be lots nicer if only we had a properly-armed, certified J-Turn Enforcement Officer to shoot safely over the heads of violators.
And of course I expect that the museum will horn in on the Great Community Surplus Food Container Swap and invite people to instead contribute their antique food containers to go on display in the new room that will be constructed behind the bus station just for this purpose. Maybe we can get one of the model trains to tote around some of the more memorable food containers.
It’s just an idea, and as I said, it’s free. No, don’t thank me now.
=—-= — =
MORE ANIMAL CRACKERS. More than half of the bird species that leave our area for warmer climes during the fall and winter every year go to southern Mexico or Central America. They don’t follow the same path every year, either.
Magazine ‘Birds and Blooms’ says so. People still ask me where ‘our’ Mississippi Kites go, and I honestly cannot give an answer.
=—-= — =
ELSEWHERE IN this issue you will find a list of coming Christmas season events. I will go ahead right now and surrender to the gigantic tables of goodies which will be spread. My appetite overcomes my will power far, far, far too easily this time of year.
Christmas community coffees are planned for First State Bank, Edward Jones, Diamond Bank and the chamber of commerce itself. There may be others, too. Already had one at Special Moments on Main St.
=—-= — =
THINGS I LEARNED from opening (and believing) email: “Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
=—-= — =
WORD GAMES. Another set of twins: Rich and Creamy. I love to see them on the list of ingredients.
=—-= — =
HE SAID: “The making of the far-famed New York Central Park was opposed by even good men, with misguided pluck, perseverance, and ingenuity, but straight right won its way, and now that park is appreciated. So we confidently believe it will be with our great national parks and forest reservations.” John Muir, farmer and environmental advocate
=—-= — =
SHE SAID: “It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary to put all the play and learning into childhood, all the work into middle age, and all the regrets into old age.” Margaret Mead, author and anthropologist
=—-= — =
SWEET DREAMS, Baby