Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Nearer Every Day

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Nearer Every Day

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 I AM GIVING you fair warning that the Autumnal Equinox is barely more than two months away.

It is an important event and I’m pretty sure it would be a good idea for you to make a note on every calendar you have. If you have one of them smartyphones there is some place inside where my daughter says I can leave a reminder but I don’t fully understand how. Just like I can’t understand how those telemarketers know my phone number, but that’s another story and I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested.

The Autumnal Equinox will be at 2:50 a.m. Central Daylight Time on Monday, Sept. 23.

On the Autumnal Equinox (and on its opposite, the Vernal — or Spring — Equinox which we suffered through in March) the sun shines exactly half of the day. And, one thing I’ve noticed is that for the other half of the day it doesn’t shine — isn’t that observant of me? And another thing I’ve noticed is that the day and night are exactly the same length, but that’s another story and I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested.

Equinox is Latin for ‘equal nights.’

The reason the Autumnal Equinox is SO VERY IMPORTANT is that it is this date every year I have set aside to scrub the shower stall in my bathroom. If I get distracted and miss the date I must force myself to wait six months until the Vernal Equinox to scrub. It’s a ritual I reserve for the Equinoxeseses to test my memory.

During the course of a year, the shower stall can get pretty grungy and I luckily discovered last year that the “New and Improved Comet Cleanser” now comes in decorative cardboard boxes that contain 20% more cleanser at no additional cost! Let that sink in for a moment.

It is truly unfortunate that I missed the usual Spring, or Vernal, Equinox Shower Stall Cleaning because that is when Nashville police came into my bathroom and found me stuck to the shower stall like one of those rubber arrow suction tips. Well, that is another story and I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested.

In that case you probably also wouldn’t be interested to know that the Autumnal Equinox is halfway between the Summer Solstice and the Winter Solstice. Not far from Daylight Savings Time.

Quick, kids! For 10 bonus points. The Vernal Equinox is halfway between the Winter Solstice and what?

HERE’S A hilarious Equinox joke. I am laughing so hard I can barely write it down for your enjoyment, but here it is anyway:

Why was King Arthur’s famous Round Table surrounded by dwarfs? Because knights are shorter after the Equinox.

Ha ha.

It must have been the Vernal Equinox. And I think that fact makes it even funner. Don’t you? Because if the knights were longer it wouldn’t be funny.

The #1 Fair Weather Razorback Football Fan wants me to remind you that by the time the Autumnal Equinox rolls around the Hogs will have had the opportunity to lose to Portland State, Ole Miss, Colorado State and San Jose State. The team will be preparing for a loss to the doggone Texas Aggies.

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WHY NO FLAG? People have remarked about the absence of the U.S. flag from the pole in front of the Post Office in Nashville. It was gone for a couple of days, but was up and flying proudly Thursday afternoon.

The flagpole rope broke during the recent storm, and a tall mechanical ‘lift’ was needed so someone could install a new rope. I meant to get out and get a pic of the operation, but was a few hours late. I had offered to ‘shinny up’ the flagpole but I don’t think they believed I was serious.

The other flags are flying at halfmast due to the death of an Arkansas State Policeman in eastern Arkansas.

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I KEEP HEARING that Tyson Foods will build a new feed mill either at the old Okay Cement site near Saratoga, or somewhere nearer to Fulton, thereby serving grower operations out of both Nashville and Hope. The mill here has been out of operation for many months.

I’ve tried to get confirmation, but responses from Tyson are scarce as hen’s teeth. Sorry. I couldn’t resist that.

Thank goodness for Tyson Foods anyway.

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THE INCREDIBLE and Mostly Unbelievable Adventures of my distant kin, Uncle Parry Normal:

Uncle Parry believes in open carry and he can’t understand why his dentist gets a mite nervous about that little ole derringer pistol he holds while the doc is drilling.

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening (and believing) email: “If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?”

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WORD GAMES. A well-known couple: Sampson and Delilah. They had a difference of opinion about his hair.

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HE SAID: “When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.” Tecumseh, Shawnee warrior and chief

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SHE SAID: “Good food and a warm kitchen are what makes a house a home. I always tried to make my home like my mother’s, because Mom was magnificent at stretching a buck when it came to decorating and food. Like a true Italian, she valued beautification in every area of her life, and I try to do the same.” Rachael Ray, tv personality 

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby