Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: An Honest Gent

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: An Honest Gent

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IT’S A SMALL WORLD and Nashville is smack dab in the center.

At the recent fancy investiture of Dr. Ashley Ross as new head of the Neonatology Unit at Arkansas Childrens Hospital, the doctor said he was pleased to be in the company of the three persons who most influenced him: his Little Rock Central High School chemistry teacher, his Hendrix College chemistry teacher, and his physician mentor at Childrens Hospital. They posed for a picture with Dr. Ross.

The high school teacher was Annice Floyd Steadman; his Hendrix teacher was Dr. Tom Goodwin; and his Childrens Hospital mentor was Dr. Bob Arrington — all three were honor graduates of Nashville High School (and Annice is probably also a PhD).

Annice and Tom played clarinet in the Scrapper band, as I recall, and Bobby was a star Scrapper hoops player with a deadeye jumpshot.

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ALL HYPOTHETICAL, OF COURSE. One of the saving distractions in a super hot summer like this one is the imagined enjoyment of a cool adult beverage BY SOME OTHER PERSON.

This Mine Creek gem is not for my Baptist teetotaler friends, and I hope they will forgive me for even mentioning this obviously HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION. I do not wish to offend my cherished teetotaler friends, but I am an honest and modest gentleman (as I have assured you many times) and IF — I say, IF — I occasionally danced with the devil, I would surely have been the type of person who might have sipped a cool beer on a hot day BUT OF COURSE I DIDN’T AND I WON’T.

Sadly, there are those who do not have the same lofty standards. 

One of the items on display in the New York Public Library is George Washington’s original handwritten recipe for “small beer,” which reportedly was mild enough so that he served it to children at the dinner table.

Thomas Jefferson’s wife brewed beer, and Barack Obama made ale  in the White House using honey from Michelle’s bee garden. President Carter’s brother Billy put his name on a beer can.

I seriously doubt we’ll see a recipe for beer anytime soon in Jean Ince’s weekly newspaper column.

And, by the way, I fibbed about ‘cool.’ IF I drank beer, AND OF COURSE I DON’T, I am guessing that I would probably like mine arctic cold.

HEARD FROM: Graham Webb, one of my regular readers in Manila, The Philippines, sent an email about last week’s column which focused shamelessly on the sex habits of fireflies.

Graham was scandalized that a smalltown newspaper in Arkansas would contain such titillating information that would be virtually impossible to keep away from, and out of sight of, innocent children.

I agree completely with Graham Webb and his tasteful sensibilities, but his email address reminded me of a rather good Philippine beer, San Miguel, which I may have accidentally sampled during my US Navy days. Good ol’ San Magoo!

Just joking, of course. IF I had ever been caught red-handed with an arctic cold San Miguel in my chubby red hands I might have whined: “I didn’t do it and it will never happen again!”

I cannot believe how far has this column sunk — writing about flagrant insect sex and booze.

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GOOD NEWS. And it’s about time we got some. It’s a waste of time and effort if you do sit-ups in an effort to reduce the circumference of your mid-section, according to the monthly publication put out by the Dollar Shave Club. 

In fact, the exercise might even be harmful to your spine if you do the sit-ups wrong. The publication says that the U.S. Army has announced it will remove sit-ups from its exercise regimen by 2020.

Well, I’m not going to take a chance. I am quitting sit-ups yesterday.

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ANIMAL CRACKERS. About 880 hamburger patties can be made from the average cow, according to that same shave club publication which I cited above.

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CONGRATS. You can see an article elsewhere in this issue about our town’s Woody Futrell being inducted into the Arkansas Game & Fish Foundation Outdoor Hall of Fame. I saw Woody run when he set the district record for the 100-yard dash. Also remember him as a scatback on some very good Scrapper football teams.

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THE INCREDIBLE and Mostly Unbelievable Adventures of my distant kin, Uncle Parry Normal: Uncle Parry has mysteriously informed the rest of the family that we might not see him for a short stretch — he said probably from six months to two years. He declined to say more.

We’ve got a bad feeling about this.

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WORD GAMES. The twins: Far and Away. They always manage to put some distance between themselves from everyone else.

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HE SAID: “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.” Desmond Tutu, Anglican archbishop

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SHE SAID: “I enjoy art, architecture, museums, churches and temples; anything that gives me insight into the history and soul of the place I’m in. I can also be a beach bum – I like to laze in the shade of a palm tree with a good book or float in a warm sea at sundown.” Cherie Lunghi, English actress and dancer 

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby