MANY, MANY CALLS from people who were sincerely interested in what I thought about President Trump’s State of the Union speech last week.
Why would they even care? Don’t ask. Nobody’s mind is going to change anyway.
I had much more important things to do while our President was flirting with Nancy Pelosi.
Like, keeping up with ‘The Curse of Oak Island.’ I was afraid to leave that show for even a moment, lest I miss another important, valuable and amazing artifact saved from the cursed Oak Island Money Pit.
My plan was to watch Comrade President, and as soon as he started to prevaricate I would quickly switch to Oak Island.
If by some unfortunate chance Oak Island was having one of their usual 15-minute commercials, I’d switch briefly (I SAID BRIEFLY) to my former favorite program: NCIS.
I once loved NCIS
NCIS stands for Naval Crime Investigation Something. It was once my very favorite program, and then they let Ziva, the totally believable agent from Israeli MOSSAD, depart for greener pastures.
And then Agent Tony Dinozzo left, and there wasn’t much to keep me glued to the show anymore. Not even Dr. Ducky or that lab tech woman with the neck tattoos. You know the one I’m talking about.
Still, I looked in on the Naval Crime Investigation Something show occasionally because I wanted to stay one step ahead of the U.S. Navy which wants to take back my Good Conduct Medal. I wanted to see if they ever asked the woman with the neck tattoos if she knew where I was hiding.
Possessessession is nine-tenths of the law, I’ve always heard, and if the U.S. Navy really wants to take back my Good Conduct Medal they’ll have to catch up to me and physically rip the colorful, richly-deserved medal off my chest.
I’m afraid that if I watch Naval Crime Investigation Something somehow my tv and my satellite will rat me out. Together, they’ll send a signal telling the Shore Patrol of my location and those guys will come and rip the Good Conduct Medal right off my shirt just as I feared. Sorta like the FBI likes to keep kidnappers on the telephone line for two more minutes so they can trace the call.
Okay, okay. I know you’re wanting to know more about my opinion of the President. Every time I left Oak Island to check on the Pres, there were some old white guys standing and applauding crazily and there were some young ladies wearing white and firmly sitting on their hands.
But I couldn’t stay there long because there was an outside chance that at that exact moment the Oak Island crew would find a teeeeeny-weeensy yet priceless relic of the Treasure of the Knights Templar.
See, either the Knights Templar, or Celtic explorers, or the Vikings, or the Pirates of the Caribbean or Roman Legions came to Oak Island a long, long time ago and dug a deep pit and buried all kinds of incredible treasure juuuuust barely out of the reach of searchers.
The searchers are two American brothers who have far too much money, and they and some buddies with far too much money keep digging holes in the island in the firm belief that just a few inches under their feet are gold doubloooooons and the Ark of the Covenant and chests of jewels and very possibly Jimmy Hoffa.
I switched back to the State of the Union and the President was assuring the nation that somebody’s needless investigation was just a witch hunt and was keeping the government from serving the little people in an efficient manner as he sincerely wanted.
I was curious, but I couldn’t stay with his talk because I was fairly positive that something priceless was about to emerge from the cursed Oak Island Money Pit.
Or that Dr. Ducky was going to offer some real good advice to Jethro (and that reminds me, I’ve always wanted to ask how Uncle Jed’s nephew Jethro got from the cement pond in Beverly Hillbillies all the way across the nation to Naval Criminal Investigation Something headquarters in Washington, D.C., without aging).
If you have a clue, email me at louie@nashvilleleader.com.
Very possibly the NCIS is wanting their fair share of the treasure of Oak Island, and that’s the only reason they’re interested in me.
And one more thing: If the FBI REALLY wanted to catch kidnappers they’d have Naval Crime Information Something send Ziva to frisk me.
And one more thing. I COULD have switched off to the Razorback basketball game that was going on at the same time. But I already knew what would happen.
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BAD NEWS. Some nosey lady legislator wants to abolish DaylightSaving Time. If she manages to do this, it will mean I have to adjust my truck clock twice a year, again. The only reason I bought this new buggy is because it changed automatically for DST.
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THINGS I LEARNED from opening (and believing) email: “If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?”
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WORD GAMES. Another set of twins: Dusk and Dawn. Always about a day apart.
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HE SAID: “Peace is not a relationship of nations. It is a condition of mind brought about by a serenity of soul. Peace is not merely the absence of war. It is also a state of mind. Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people.” Jawaharlal Nehru, first Prime Minister of India
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SHE SAID: “I refused to take no for an answer.” Bessie Coleman, first African-American woman and first Native American woman to hold a pilot’s license
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
