Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Bay at the Moon

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Bay at the Moon

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WE’RE ALL adults here so surely we can mention an adult topic: LGBT. As both of you know, the letters stand for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual and Transgender. I told you this was adult.

Boiled down, in the case of the first three letters, it’s just a matter of taste. Which sex appeals to you. Don’t answer that — it was just a rhetorical question. Like President Clinton said, “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”

But the fourth letter??? I don’t fully comprehend Transgender. As best I can understand, it’s someone in a male body who identifies as being female and wants to become a genuine female. Or visa-versa.

If you are sincerely Transgender you’ve got to be willing to undergo costly, extreme medical and surgical treatments to achieve your goal. Not to mention suffering barbed remarks from smartypants newspaper columnists.

I do not want to sound completely uncaring about persons who are helplessly gripped by Transgender desires.

I feel like I can help you understand by revealing something deeply intimate and personal about myself:

I am Trans, hear me roar

I, myself, am a Trans-Species. I am trapped in the body of a human male, but I identify with the Siberian Gray Wolf.

I have already begun hormone and other medical treatments out at the Center Point Animal Hospital, and I am scheduled to begin my fur implant treatments soon. Please don’t ask the staff at Center Point about my progress. I may be going to the dogs, but I am still enough human to be covered by HIPPA.

I’ve had my teeth sharpened (except for the canines which were already pretty impressive, Doc Painless says; but I must add that he is growing increasing reluctant to stick his gloved fingers in between those fearsome jaws and sharp teeth).

Learning to run on all fours has made me more flexible. I am getting faster with every Trans-Species hormone treatment, and with every nocturnal run with the pack. I am not looking forward to running nekkid through the snow this winter but maybe I’ll grow some extra fur and change my mind before then.

I am learning to live on an all-meat diet. I now like my elk steaks really, really rare and still quivering. I prefer to kill, but I will eat something that has been dead for a few days if there’s nothing else.

It’s hard to pass by a fire hydrant without lifting my left leg. Wolves are, after all, the ancestors of dogs. I hope to get better at balancing on the other three legs.

I am pretty sure that I am becoming a male Siberian Wolf because whenever I see a cute female I start baying at the moon.

Ah-oooooooooooooooooo!

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LOOK UP. We are entering the best viewing period for the annual Perseid Meteor Shower. Which means that for the next two weeks, our nights will probably be overcast.

But if you get a chance to be up after midnight, look up.

The Perseids are generally the best meteor show of the year. The streaking bits of space debris are leftovers in the trail of the Comet Swift-Tuttle and the Earth is now plowing through that debris field.

The actual best nights for viewing are expected to be Aug. 12-13, although we are already wading into the litter of the comet.

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HOW COME? In the morning, flocks of Cattle Egrets fly overhead on their way to work from the rookery. They are high in the sky and are flying fast in a tight formation. They look fresh and excited.

In the late afternoon, flocks of Cattle Egrets flap their wings and labor slowly overhead on their way home from the fields. They are barely clearing the treetops and look like they are struggling to fly fast enough to maintain level flight. The sloppiest looking V formations I ever saw were SW Arky Cattle Egrets trudging home after a day’s work.

Why? Couple of explanations spring to mind: (1) They’re full of bugs and are tired at the end of a long day; (2) Staying low because the Mississippi Kites have quietly emerged to circle the buffet table.

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IT’S NUTRITIOUS and Biblical. When the Almighty rained down manna for the wandering Israelites, was it gluten-free?

Living solely on desert baked manna and a few scrawny lizards for 40 years is hardly what I call a well-balanced diet, but I would not argue with the Provider

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

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WORD GAMES. The famous and talented Sal Quintuplets: Salami, Salome´, Salmonella, Saliva and Sal Mineo. Some of you may not have even heard of the latter. He was a B-level movie actor back in the 1960s. I think he may have been a G. No offense intended.

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HE SAID: “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” Washington Irving, diplomat and essayist

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SHE SAID: “A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all it teaches entire trust.” Gertrude Jekyll, English garden designer

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby