Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Assault in Pulaski

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Assault in Pulaski

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ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY chopped pork sandwich.

Proof that the Kingdom of Pulaski is the world’s nuttiest place — the daily paper Monday carried a story about a North Little Rock man who was thrown in the hoosegow after hitting his wife in the face with a sandwich.

Let that sink in.

The police report didn’t include details, such as: “What kind of sandwich was it?”

I’m guessing it could have been a club sandwich.

But if either the ‘striker’ or the ‘strikee’ was a Latino, the sandwich could have been a torta.

Or, if either person was Greek, the sandwich could have been a gyro.

Or, if they were Japanese it could have been a sushi roll.

Or, if either was European it could have been a French dip.

I could go on and on. But I’ll spare you.

The hubby is likely facing a misdemeanor charge of second or third degree battery — depending upon whether the lettuce was wilted and if the toasted bun was multi-grain.

The cops also did not mention if fries or chips came with that assault.

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16 AND 68. For the first time in history, Saturday, two former Nashville Scrappers will start for the Razorbacks. LaMichael Pettway, good ole number 16, and Kirby Adcock, good ole number 68. Way to go, guys! Your hometown is very proud of you.

Now, as both of you know, I am the Number One Fairweather Hog Fan, so I hope you’ll keep me from having to go sit on the patio during tense parts of the game. Don’t let those Eastern Illinoisy fellows make me nervous.

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GOD BLESS SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN. Combat Navy aviator, prisoner of war, United States Senator. It’s hard to think of anyone who has served this country more.

I was not surprised that the president at first did not issue a statement upon his death. I was not surprised that the president had the White House flag lowered only briefly. Finally the American Legion scolded him and shamed him into having the flag lowered again.

All this because the president and John McCain didn’t see eye to eye.

Rest in peace, Sen. McCain.

I know a lot of you really love this president, but I like him less and trust him less every day.

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SUMMER WEATHER. It has been strange, right?

July — almost half (12 days) of the days of the month with measurable rainfall, totaling 4.56 inches; normal rainfall is 4.02 inches. In July there were 19 days with temperatures reaching 95 degrees or hotter, and there were 6 days with 100 degree temps.

August (as of Tuesday morning) — only 6 days with measurable rainfall totaling 5.4 inches; normal for the first 27 days of the month is 2.53 inches. In August there were only 3 days with temps of 95 or hotter, and NONE of 100 degrees.

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CATS IN THE BELFRY. Since Hurricane Maria tore up Puerto Rico a year ago, cats have been showing up at the famed Arecibo Observatory’s gigantically huuuuuuuge dish radio antenna which I’m sure you’ve seen in the James Bond movies. The antenna, not the cats.

For some reason the place always had lots of cats. The new ones, however, may have gotten separated from their owners during the storm. And maybe they’re attracted to the place by radio waves or mental messages from Ancient Aliens.

Anyway, the cats are a loving bunch.

Ahem. And they are reproducing at a rapid rate. So much so that employees at the observatory started one of those Go Fund Me accounts to raise money to feed and neuter them. Neuter cats, not employees.

They’re proceeding with this project nicely, although the writer — at Space.com — noted that some of the old toms weren’t real happy with their physical adjustment.

I’m just guessing that the area’s rats aren’t thrilled, anyway.

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I DON’T KNOW if you want to absorb this, but I’ve heard (reliably on social media) that Mrs. Claus has opened a charge account at Victoria’s Secret. I think this means that Victoria has secretly added a whole line of flexible-fit clothing.

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

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WORD GAMES. The twins: Lo and Behold. They always have an element of wonderment.

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HE SAID: “Hatred is corrosive of a person’s wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a nation’s spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a society’s tolerance and humanity, and block a nation’s progress to freedom and democracy.” Liu Xiaobo, Chinese dissident

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SHE SAID: “The table is a meeting place, a gathering ground, the source of sustenance and nourishment, festivity, safety, and satisfaction. A person cooking is a person giving: Even the simplest food is a gift.” Laurie Colwin, novelist and food columnist

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby