Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: The Time is Right

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: The Time is Right

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STRIKE WHILE THE IRON is hot. That’s a clever saying I just made up.

And it is fitting for right now while the mayor has an opponent in the Democrat primary, and a Republican opponent in the General Election in November. He’s boxed in with no easy way out.

Now is the time for YOU, the general public and registered voter, to put pressure on the mayor to deputize me as our town’s officially recognized J-Turn Enforcement Officer.

He’s been putting me off for more than a year, and surely work on the city budget can’t distract him that long. I’ve tried to be patient, but it’s entirely possible that I might lose control and as a natural reaction open fire on some unfortunate downtown traffic J-Turn violator if something doesn’t get done pretty soon.

Many, many times I’ve offered my services. I’m sure both of you will remember.

I’ve purchased some swell Chinese Army surplus camo uniforms for each season. I’ve applied for my open carry machine gun permit (and I feel sure that there must be some kind of administrative mistake at State Police Headquarters to cause this delay in the permit application process).

I have taken the National Rifle Association’s mental evaluation test and I am pretty sure I got a D which surely is a passing grade. I don’t know for sure because no one at the NRA office will tell me the results of that test. They just duck down behind the safety glass window and turn off the light when I walk in the office.

Maybe if we Arkies elect Handgun Harley Hottie as our next Republican governor things will get moving. I’m fairly sure she’d agree with me on the nefariousness of Downtown J-Turn Violators and the need to be firm when dealing with these criminals, many of whom obviously are repeat offenders.

Our town really, really needs an Official Downtown J-Turn Enforcement Officer. If things don’t get moving pretty soon, I might not be able to pass the physical exam. Or squeeze into in those swell Chinese Army surplus camo outfits.

Hmmmm. Reckon that’s why the mayor is taking his own sweet time?

Just remember my pledge: I will steal no more than is absolutely necessary, and I will withhold warning tickets except for hottie offenders who flirt with the investigating officer.

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METEOR SHOWER. Somewhere someone is laughing out loud at my effort to catch a bit of the annual Lyrid Meteor Shower last weekend.

It was overcast as usual. And too cold to stay outside for long. Saturday night/Sunday morning was supposed to be be the peak time to see the shower.

Ha!

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HEARD FROM. Janet Lay O’Neal stopped me in the grocery store to tell me of her recent exciting encounter with dozens and dozens of goldfinches in her yard north of Nashville. She says she likes to observe birds but had never before had goldfinch visitors. They were like a bunch of gold flakes flashing in the air, she recalled.

The real reason she told me this was she wanted my free recommendation for best birdseed to attract the little critters.

I like the oiled sunflower seeds, personally, I told her. The others taste too salty and get stuck between my teeth. Plus. I’m not too sure of their nutritional value.

The greatest feathered visitor I’ve had is a one-time pass by a Baltimore Oriole. Beautiful.

THANKS FOR ASKING. My bluebirds keep bringing bugs to the bluebird box on my patio. No cheeps, yet, but I’m hoping.

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FAST DELIVERY. I don’t buy a lot of things spontaneously that I see on tv or on Facebook, but almost two months ago I surrendered to the urge and ordered one of those thingys for hardboiling eggs. You just crack the egg and pour the contents into the thingy and you put the thingy into boiling water. When it’s cooked you don’t have to peel the danged egg, just dump it out of the thingy onto your plate.

As best I can tell the company has not charged my credit card, nor has it shipped the thingy.

Two months.

Did anyone else order a thingy? Have you received it?

I’m really getting hungry for a hardboiled egg. Plus, I’m afraid that the eggs I bought at the same time might be getting just a bit old.

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: Isn’t it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you?

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WORD GAMES. The twins: With and Without. You’d scarcely believe they’re related.

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HE SAID: “The people to fear are not those who disagree with you, but those who disagree with you and are too cowardly to let you know.” Napoleon Bonaparte, emperor of France

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SHE SAID: “And who knows? Somewhere out there in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the president’s spouse. I wish him well!” Barbara Bush, 1st lady

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby