Home Opinion Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Your resolutions

Mine Creek Revelations by Louie Graves: Your resolutions

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If you’ll forgive me, I am going to repeat my first column of 2017. Seems appropriate still.

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I HAVE NEVER  kept a New Year’s resolution, and, quite frankly, I haven’t bothered to make one since 1994. That doesn’t keep me from knowing that I SHOULD make New Year’s resolutions.

We all need something to strive for. A carrot dangled on a string.

I had a brilliant idea, and it is the next best thing to actually making — and sincerely intending to keep — New Years resolutions.

Here’s the plan: I will make the New Years resolutions for YOU to keep, thereby placing no responsibility on myself. These sensible resolutions are offered to you at no charge by the management of this newspaper. Please make every effort to keep these resolutions for your benefit and mine.

YOU RESOLVE to read instructions on all new mechanical or electrical devices which come into your possession.

YOU RESOLVE to retain the instructions in case you need to read them a second time.

YOU RESOLVE to limit your venting about the Arkansas Razorbacks.

YOU RESOLVE to change our ‘lucky’ lottery numbers.

YOU RESOLVE to gain as little weight as possible.

YOU RESOLVE to limit your venting about the Arkansas Razorbacks.

YOU RESOLVE to pressure the mayor to properly install some worthy senior citizen as Official Downtown J-Turn Law Enforcement Officer.

YOU RESOLVE to write down all passwords and to remember where you hid the list.

YOU RESOLVE to limit your venting about the Arkansas Razorbacks.

YOU RESOLVE to cut down on screaming at youth league officials at the city park.

YOU RESOLVE to give a birthday gift other than a Hooter’s Gift Certificate to the paperboy.

YOU RESOLVE to remove your wristwatch before scooping the goo out of the pumpkin next Halloween.

YOU RESOLVE to limit your venting about the Arkansas Razorbacks.

YOU RESOLVE to put down your doggone cell phone when you drive.

YOU RESOLVE to actually use the signal blinker before you turn.

YOU RESOLVE to ignore incoming calls when you are in a restaurant, church or theatre. And, if you must take a call because it’s from the Pope or Donald Trump, you resolve to go outside to conduct your conversation.

YOU RESOLVE to quit comparing the Arkansas Razorbacks football team to the Keystone Cops.

YOU RESOLVE to quit threatening to go whip (former Hog coach) John L. Smith’s #### and instead, start threatening to go whip (soon to be former Hog coach) Bert Bulimia’s ####.

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AMONG THE FEELGOOD college football stories of the year are the University of Central Florida finishing unbeaten, despite losing their coach to Nebraska. AND, Iowa State winning a bowl. They are almost always the bottom team in their Big 12 Conference. This year they notched some big upsets (I’m talking about YOU, Boomer Sooners) and then got that bowl win.

So, Arkansas fans can take heart. UCF went from 0-12 two years ago.

My advice to their departing UCF coach: Winter in Nebraska is just a tad different than winter in central Florida. Dress appropriately or die.

I wish Donald Trump wrote sports in Arkansas. Then, by golly, we wouldn’t get to September thinking we had a national championship in the bag. Our home-state sportswriters always have me convinced that a title is very possible. And then we go and nearly get beat by Cupcake College. Fake news.

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THE GOOD EARTH. On the last day of 2017, the Navigator and I took a drive up to Camp Albert Pike and environs. We noticed that about halfway up each peak, the trees were encased in ice, and were shimmering silver in contrast to pine green.

We also noticed that the recreation area continues to decline. Overgrown campsites; shuttered rest rooms.

If the USDA Forest Service is not going to do anything with Camp Albert, I wish they’d give it to the State of Arkansas. Lots of people want to take advantage of the marvelous site despite the tragic deaths there during a once-in-lifetime flood.

On our drive Sunday, we noticed that there were actually some people camping in tents. Man,  you REALLY have to want to go camping.

There were also reportedly some tent campers at the Crater of Diamonds. I am glad some Americans are still so tough.

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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email:  There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

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WORD GAMES. The twins: Lo and Behold. Nothing surprises them.

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HE SAID: “There are two things that are more difficult than making an after-dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.” Sir Winston Churchill, statesman

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SHE SAID: “New Year’s Day. A fresh start. A new chapter in life waiting to be written. New questions to be asked, embraced, and loved. Answers to be discovered and then lived in this transformative year of delight and self-discovery. Today carve out a quiet interlude for yourself in which to dream, pen in hand. Only dreams give birth to change.” Sarah Ban Breathnach, author

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SWEET DREAMS, Baby