THE WORST WORDS. My ole friend George Steel says that the worst words you can see on a package are “Some Assembly Required.” George is a new grandfather and he has probably been doing just a bit of assembling.
I disagree with George about his choice of the worst words. At least for this particular moment in time.
I had to say ‘MY’ worst words Sunday afternoon when I was getting ready to give the Navigator a ride home. We had been sitting on the patio enjoying the last pale rays of the sun, and it was time to go.
“Have you seen my keys?” Remember, I told you that those are my worst words. At least for right now.
The keys weren’t in my pockets, so I looked in my buggy.
Took the seats apart and found some old popcorn and a dime and a nickel. But no keys.
The Navigator was not exactly helpful.
I went through every possible crevice in the console and the dash. And there are plenty of hiding places now that car manufacturers no longer put cigarette lighters and ashtrays in vehicles.
No luck finding the keys. The Navigator was tapping her foot.
It was a real, real important keyring. House key, buggy key, office key, safe deposit box key, and the key to the strongbox hidden in my backyard containing $508 in dimes.
I looked and looked. I went through the pockets of the pants in the dirty clothes basket. I swept off the kitchen counter tops. Looked in the icemaker. Let’s see, “Where else can I look?”
“First, take me home,” Navigator said without a shred of sympathy. She was in a hurry because it was almost time for her hoitsy-toitsy British programs on AETN.
At least I had my spare car key. I took Navigator home in a huff, and returned to my search.
I checked my pants again. Took apart the car seats and console again. Ripped up the carpet. Car AND living room carpets.
Went through the trashcan. I know that sounds weird, but I have thrown away my keys once before and they are still somewhere out there in the Regional Landfill, I suppose.
It was getting dark. And cold.
I found a flashlight that had juuuuuust enough battery power left to cast a dim light. I got down on my knees in the carport to see if the keys might have fallen out and were maybe kicked under a wheelbarrow or a fireplace log or other trash I had been meaning for months to clear away.
Nope. And my knees were bleeding.
Finally, exhausted. I went to my patio chair with intentions of flinging myself down and having a good weeping fit.
I sat down hard and my backside discovered the keyring and all four keys. Sharp ends pointed up. It also activated the theft alarm.
There was a time, years ago, when I had a thingy that attached to my keyring. If I lost the keys I could just clap my hands and the thingy would beep and reveal its hiding place.
But with the new technology you can’t use those thingys anymore.
If you lose your keys and clap your hands for the thingy, your buggy motor starts running and the horn starts honking, lights flash and your car radio automatically turns to the Civil Defense channel.
This week a package arrived with a new improved thingy. The package said ‘Some Assembly Required.’
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THINKING TODAY of Jimmie Jean (JJ) White who died this week. You might automatically think of her great sense of humor, and that wide and engaging smile. And some of the memorable practical jokes she played on newspaper editors.
I also think of the leadership she provided as a retail business owner. Tollett’s Gifts wasn’t only a vendor of top shelf items — china, decor, housewares, sterling, etc.
At the same time, JJ continually pushed other Main Street businesses to keep up, clean up and to vigorously promote themselves and our town. She was really good at that, and she led by example.
I have a mental Hall of Fame list of persons who helped form our community and kept it thriving through good times and not-so-good. My friend JJ is high, high on that list.
Peace to her family, and thanks to the Almighty for putting such people among us.
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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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WORD GAMES.
The twins: Search and Rescue.
When they’re needed, there’s nobody else you’d rather see.
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HE SAID: “You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” Mahatma Gandhi, lawyer and father of India
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SHE SAID: “We are not sent into this world mainly to enjoy the loveliness therein, nor to sit us down in passive ease; no, we were sent here for action. The soul that seeks to do the will of God with a pure heart, fervently, does not yield to the lethargy of ease.” Dorothea Dix, activist for the mentally ill
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
