MAMA SAID. At some golden moment, sometime between the endodododontist’s chair and the toe doctor; somewhere between the heart doc’s treadmill and the sleep doc’s overnight spaceship sleep lab, the words of a popular oldie song came to me.
Mama said there’ll be days like this
There’ll be days like this, mama said
(Mama said, mama said)
It was sung by the Shirelles or some other great girls group.
And I don’t actually remember being warned by Mother about anything except not eating English peas (she didn’t actually say I’d wither away and die, however; she just said I wouldn’t grow up tall and slim, and she was 100% right).
It just seems like I have spent the last two months bouncing from one medical office to the next one.
First I visited my regular dentist. He sent me to a specialist who could hang upside down from the ceiling and work on a tooth buried in the back of my mouth.
While in the endododontist’s chair I realized that my big toe was throbbing. But I couldn’t go see the toe doc until I had made it to the sleep doc’s office.
I was with the sleep doc because my regular supplier of nighttime breathing assist machine accessories had sold to a bunch of DamnYankees and they wouldn’t send a simple accessory that I really, really, really needed until they had a copy of the sleep doc’s order. Understand?
While on my visit to his swell office, the sleep doc started asking me questions about my breathing, and the answers caused him to ask me how long it had been since I had seen a heart doc.
That’s how I ended up on the heart doc’s treadmill with a throbbing big toe and a fresh root canal in an upper molar.
At first I thought my new high blood pressure was causing my doublevision doublevision, but now I think I need to go see the eye doc again eye doc again. It’s only been 10 years, 10 years.
But that’ll have to wait until I’ve been lectured by the heart doc about my weight. And by my dentist about flossing. And the toe doc removes that offending bigtoe nail. And the sleep doc forwards a copy of his order to the DamnYankees saying that I need to continue more-or-less breathing at night.
Ummmm. Did I mention that in this same time frame I had been to see the urololologist so that he could administer his annual invasive digital exam? No? Well, we won’t go any further.
Mama said, mama said.
The only one I haven’t seen is my allergist. It’ll take eight months to get in to see him. And by that time I’ll be plumb wore out from sneezing. Probably have doublevision doublevision again.
Mama said, mama said.
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THE GOOD EARTH.
Fair warning to her potted plants. Navigator says that some night soon she’s gonna sneak up on her plants and stop watering them in the morning.
That’s more or less a death sentence, it seems to me.
There’s plenty of life left in my plants. Especially the briars and poison ivy.
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THIS COLUMN WAS already written and on the page, last week, when we got the obituary for Robert ‘Bobby’ Harwell. It meant that I couldn’t write a bit about him for the column that week. He died at age 85 and was buried out at Antioch. He was a charming fellow who had lived a full life. How many people do you know who were members of the Screen Actors Guild? I bet none.
Bobby joined the Air Force after Nashville High School. I believe I am remembering correctly what he told me. While stationed in Florida, someone noticed his good looks, and he ended up being a male ‘good suit’ model for catalogues and TV commercials.
Decided to try his hand at the big screen and went to California. Out there in LaLa Land, he had to join the Screen Actors Guild. He continued work in catalogues, commercials and ‘extra’ roles. He never did break into the ‘big time.’ After he retired back here he modestly declined my requests to do a weekly newspaper column about celebs and films and Hollywood.
But, he did have a few tales to tell privately about ‘the business’ and Hollywood.
Peace, Bobby.
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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
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WORD GAMES. Triplets: Hook, Line & Sinker. They’ll try to get you to believe something totally ….. or they might just go fishing.
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HE SAID: “It is not the beauty of a building you should look at; its the construction of the foundation that will stand the test of time.” David Allan Coe, American songwriter
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SHE SAID: “It’s not that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but it’s your best friends who are your diamonds. It’s your best friends who are supremely resilient, made under pressure and of astonishing value. They’re everlasting; they can cut glass if they need to.” Gina Barreca, author and English professor
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
