THANKS TO a typically intelligent reader of this column, I recently got drawn into a discussion about college marching bands of yesteryear.
The reader commented on my column about being in the band at Texarkanananana Junior College, and how the chief benefit (other than a scholarship) had been my opportunity to oogle the Tyler Junior College Apache Belles and the Kilgore Junior College Rangerettes at halftime of football games.
Woooohoo, and yessssir!!!
I realize that both of those comments would be regarded as sexist and politically incorrect these days. But, woooohoo, anyway.
The best news is that the Apache Belles and the Rangerettes BOTH still exist. They perform all over the world, and you could hire them to come hi-kick for your next birthday party, if your wife would let you.
What is amazing to me is that there is no police record of catfights between the two groups. I know that Texas is a big place but surely Belles and Rangerettes run into each other occasionally at the cosmetics counter in some upscale Dallas shopping mall. I’ll bet their conversations are not all drippy sweet and sincere about each other’s health and gradepoint, either.
Here’s salt in the wound: The Kilgore crew says they’re the original precision drill team; but Tyler says they’re the prettiest. Sounds like grounds for a coed catfight to me.
Each college swears that they have the superior precision drill and dance group. Plus, each team insists that the world famous ‘split jump’ was their own innovation.
Pardon me for just a dizzy minute. I must recover after being whammed by a vivid mental picture of 72 coeds doing a precision team split jump all at the same time.
Both squads wear saucy little costumes. Well, 50 years ago the costumes were considered to be a little racy. Woooohoo. But women wear less nowadays when they go to Walmart.
The Belles have been to two Super Bowls, and the Rangerettes have appeared in 67 consecutive Cotton Bowls. Countless New Years Day parades for both. Maybe just a few birthday appearances.
Coed catfight, for sure. Wooohoo!
I don’t think either team has performed a precision drill routine for the Pope or for Comrade President Trump.
What I’ve been stumbling over is unfortunately related to gender equity and similar sensitive stuff which often gets me into trouble.
I wonder if there have ever been male students apply for a place in the Apache Belle or Rangerette chorus line?
Would the boys go through tryouts together with the girls? Would they be able to find saucy triple-size outfits to wear? Would they actually go out on the football field and link arms with the girls and do hi-kicks and split jumps in front of mom and dad and the television cameras at halftime?
You know those college boys. There’s always one that wants to spoil things for everyone else.
And what about the bands? I’ll bet that the musicians in the Tyler College Marching Apache Band and the Kilgore College Marching Ranger Band are getting just a mite jealous of all the attention the dance teams get and — therefore — the band ISN’T getting.
After all, the dance team couldn’t dance if the band didn’t play. Hi-kicks just aren’t the same without high notes. Do the bands have flag lines or majorettes? Just kidding. I can’t resist starting wars.
I don’t think either of those schools have football teams anymore. I know for sure that Texarkana College students no longer cheer the Bulldogs on to glorious (and elusive) gridiron victory.
In fact, the sport of football probably hung on longer at those colleges because the famous dance teams needed to have a halftime so they could perform in front of a crowd.
Get this: Tyler and Kilgore weren’t the only Texas colleges that had coed precision performance teams.
One of the other conference schools featured a women’s bulldozer and heavy equipment team. They also performed precision drills at halftime of football games but unfortunately that left the playing field in pretty bad shape for the second half. They didn’t have a band which is just as well because diesel motors pretty well drown out clarinets.
Well, I guess I’ve gotten myself in a mess of trouble again because NHS flag line moms are gathering up with protest signs on the sidewalk outside of the building, and they don’t look happy.
Oh lordy. One mom is lighting a fire baton.
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THE TWINS. Their names don’t sound Chinese, but trust me — Sweet and Sour.
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THINGS I LEARNED from opening email: It’s a shame, but 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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HE SAID: “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” Pope John XXIII
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SHE SAID: “You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for his own improvement and, at the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful.” Madame Marie Curie, physicist and Nobel winner
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SWEET DREAMS, Baby
