I GOT A NEW PHONE. Pardon me for a minute while I go out in the alley and shout bad words at the brick wall.
I hate it. What on earth possessed me to put away my trusty 14-year-old flip phone which didn’t cost hardly nothing, and exchange it for a Star Trek device that I cannot figure out and which will probably cost me an arm and a leg?
People call and I tap buttons all over the phone face but I still can’t talk to the caller. Sometimes I can even hear the would-be caller shouting in the background. Finally, after the caller has given up, I manage to borrow someone else’s phone and call them back.
And I’ve had a hard time learning how to ‘tap.’ I’m accustomed to jabbing hard at buttons.
If this phone gives me much more trouble I’m apt (that’s not app) to ‘tap’ it with a hammer, and go beg Mr. Verizon to give back my flip phone.
HEARD FROM. Linda Kirby Alford Croy — Dierks girl, mother of two Scrapper cheerleaders, former Nashville teacher now living in retired splendor in NW Arkansas — got in touch to remind me that the Scrapper Belles were another group which needed white boots. But, Linda points out, they did not need white rubber tips for batons.
Just wondering if — in these days of political correctness — if the Belles would have been allowed to go on the field armed with those Hop-along Cassidy ‘cap’ pistols which were part of the costume.
By the way, the Scrapper Band trombone section thought the Scrapper Belles were mighty fine, too. Our fond thoughts weren’t limited to the majorettes.
I have been able to survive several Close Encounters of the Flag Line Mom Kind. The moms were not thinking kindly of me after last week’s column in which I may, or may not, have had a little fun at the expense of the Flag Line.
QUESTION FOR Razorback fans after hearing that Nashville’s LaMichael Pettway scored a TD for the Hogs. Is Pettway the first former Scrapper to score for the Hogs? I’m guessing that the late John L. Shaddox, who was a UA fullback, might’ve scored.
Let me hear from you if you know. And add my congrats to Mr. Pettway’s list of messages. I’d give him a call but right now I’m fighting with my cell phone.
ANIMAL CRACKERS. There are roughly a thousand species of bumblebees in this country. One species, the Rusty Patched Bumblebee, is being declared an endangered species.
Get ready for this. The organization that keeps up with the Rusty Patched Bumblebee is the “Xerces Society for Invertebrate Conservation.” I’m not joking.
But really, I had noticed this summer that I had seen far fewer bumblebees than usual. Apparently disease, pesticides, habitat loss and climate change are taking their toll among the bees, and it’s a shame because they are important pollinators.
And just how do you tell if that bumblebee is a Rusty Patched Bumblebee? Well, you have to hold it carefully between your thumb and forefinger. Rotate the bee so you can see its underbelly. And if there is a rusty looking patch of bee fur there then it is probably a Rusty Patched Bumblebee.
Now, after that Rusty Patched Bumblebee stings the heck out of your thumb or forefinger, go make a paste of baking soda and spit, and slather the mixture all over the sting. It might not make all the pain go away, but it will get you some attention.
At the News-Leader office, our Pam says she was stung by a bumblebee a few years ago and she still clearly remembers the pain. Don’t get stung by a Rusty Patched Bumblebee unless you absolutely have to.
And what is a Xerces anyway? The Xerces Society also works to protect fireflies, butterflies and other bee species. That makes them a pretty good group in my book.
A VISIT. Some siblings just don’t mix well. I’m talking about Oil and Water.
I KNOW I mentioned this before, but out of 113 million-plus Americans, are Hillary and Donald the best candidates the political parties can come up with?
I do believe that Donald is just about to talk himself out of the White House.
HE SAID: “One thing about television, it brings out personality. People are able to watch me in action. They hear my voice and see my eyes. There’s nothing I can hide. That’s me. Television brings out your flaws, your weaknesses, your strengths, and your truths. The audience either likes you or it doesn’t.” Donald Trump, presidential candidate
SHE SAID: “My two secrets to staying healthy: Wash your hands all the time. And, if you can’t, use Purell or one of the sanitizers. And the other is hot peppers. I eat a lot of hot peppers. I for some reason started doing that in 1992, and I swear by it.” Hillary Clinton, presidential candidate
SWEET DREAMS, Baby