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Pokin’ Fun | Doc Blakely

My friend Weldon called my attention via e mail to the use of paraprosdokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected. Thomas Jefferson used a paraprosdokian when he said, “Peace is that brief, glorious moment when everyone stands around reloading.” Winston Churchill was a master of the art. He described golf as a game in which a player tries to put a two inch ball inside a 4 inch hole, 400 yards away, with implements ill designed for that purpose. Here are other paraprosdokians that occurred to me or came to my attention:
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and confirm my mother-in-law’s prediction.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. And they could be extra crispy if it is the bush that spoke to Moses.
A fool and his money are soon parted. That’s why funeral directors refer to a very rich client as the dearly departed.
Let’s look at it this way. A cross eyed discus thrower may not break any records but he sure keeps the referees alert.
When in Rome, do as Romans do. When anywhere else do as Roman’s don’t do.
Don’t tell a soul what I’m about to tell you. Don’t even telephone, telegraph or tell a woman.
Don’t breathe a word of this. Hold your breath until I’m finished and try not to pass out.
The harder I work the luckier I get. That’s why I have three jobs and buy lottery tickets.
A good man is hard to find. A bad woman not so much.
It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It’s even better to have loved a short girl than never to have loved a tall.
He does the work of 6 men. Larry, Moe, Curley, Harpo, Groucho and Chico.
Every dog will have his day. Except for Chihuahuas which get until noon and the Great Dane that gets an entire week end.
Let a smile be your umbrella. And you’ll get a mouth full of rain.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Why not? Be bold, you never see one spit.
Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Unless it’s his first bungee jump then make it snappy.
He had a photographic memory. They called him Polaroid Floyd.
As a kid he was as good as gold. When he turned 13 he went off the gold standard.
Vegetarians average living 7 years longer than meat eaters. Seven long, miserable, bacon-less years.

Labels on wine are required by law. Example: Do not let this bottle serve as an inspiration to call your ex in a pathetic reconciliation attempt. Some very fine grapes have died in the making of this wine. Show some respect.
Money can’t buy happiness. Still, there is no shortage of sad souls looking for a gravy train with biscuit wheels. www.docblakely.com