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Where There’s a Will There’s a Way

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Pokin Fun by Doc Blakely

It’s funny what people leave to others in their will. I read the last will and testament of a settler back in the 1850’s that left 160 acres of good bottom land to each of his six sons and to his two daughters he left each a feather bed and a swift horse. I’m guessing that was a hint to the girls that they should move on with their life and make it snappy. But I like the gall of the old timer that just left a note scribbled on the cuff of his finest shirt, which he was wearing, when he expired in the Bloody Bucket Saloon. It read, “Last Will and Testament. Being of sound mind I spent every cent I had before I died.”
I attended a memorial service recently and things took an upbeat swing when the mourners started telling stories about the dearly departed. He was what you would call “hard but fair.”
“You always knew where he stood on any subject. If he disliked something he’d tell you quicker than a rattlesnake strikes. If he liked something he might tell you. If he said nothing you knew he liked it. His son in law was so relieved when he asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage and Papa just got up and left the room. That was considered a ringing endorsement.”
“Papa also was a proud hunter. He bagged a big buck two weeks before he died. Then just a few days ago he had a premonition that this might be the end and he told me to be sure and mention that he also got a pig.”
An English bloke left a will which included a final line that read, “I wish peace and affluence to all my friends and a piece of effluence to my enemies.” That was like the guy that left a small sum of money to several individuals for the purchase of a one way ticket, red cape, pitchfork and asbestos underwear.
My own grandson, now in his 30’s, shared with me his own vision of how he would like to go out, after he had lived a long and successful life of course, by being placed in a grand boat, lying on a velvet blanket on his back, wearing a gold crown, designer shorts and a Minnesota Vikings football helmet. The vessel would be shoved off from a dock filled with adoring family and friends. Then when it reached the middle of the placid pond an archer would shoot a flaming arrow into the boat and the whole thing would explode in a ball of fire. I asked what would cause the explosion. He said the boat would be marinated in industrial alcohol and the cargo would be left over fireworks from local roadside stands. I told him that was the craziest idea I had ever heard, we definitely shared the same DNA, and put him back in my will. www.docblakely.com

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