Home Opinion THE DASTARDLY DEED OF DUDLEY DORPER

THE DASTARDLY DEED OF DUDLEY DORPER

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Pokin’ Fun by Doc Blakely

Oh, the shame of it all. One of America’s proudest to claim the title of Cowboy had to get run over and stomped by a sheep.
It all started a year ago when I bought a few head of Hair Sheep to keep the grass mowed around the barn. I bought some common ewes so I decided to get a high powered ram of the Dorper breed to improve the lamb crop. Dorpers have a distinctive color, white body and a cold black neck and head. I bought a fine young ram, named him Dudley Dorper. He seemed fine until I separated him from the flock to allow the ewes to lamb. I gave him daily feed and he quickly filled out to look a lot like J.J. Watt. That was fine until one day he decided I looked a lot like a Quarterback and he blindsided me. Actually he blindbehinded me. It was almost dark and I’ll swear I went so high I could see the lights of Houston 50 miles away. I landed face down and broke my fibula. I wasn’t too worried until Doctors translated that to English and I discovered that was my leg.
I’ve taken a lot of ribbing about it. As I hobbled along with the aid of a walker kids would sing out “Grandpa got run over by a Dorper, walkin’ out to feed a sheep one eve. You can say that Dudley is no danger but as for me and Grandpa we believe.”
It’s been 6 weeks now and I’m almost healed up except for the nightmares. People think it’s cute to push me on stage and say, “Break a leg.” I can tolerate clogging but no break dancing, please. I even shudder when passing by Brake Check.
So it was a pleasure to hear from my old pal, Bunkie Hill, who put his sentiments into a poem to solve my problem and e mailed it to me. I quote:
“A rancher in Wharton County, one bright December morn
set out to feed his livestock, carrying a bucket of corn
He had a large herd of cattle, and cattle prices were steep
So for his pride, on the side, he acquired himself some sheep
One big ol sheep was a stud, bigger than J.J. Watt
overloaded with testosterone, he’d rather fight than not
The rancher turned his head away, the old Ram saw his chance
With a mighty lunge and a heat butt, it was lights out on the ranch.
In the field as he lay, keeping watch on his sheep
the shepherd saw stars and angels but knew he wasn’t asleep
The Orthopedic Surgeon said ” You are one lucky man, and
I can fix you well enough, you should be able to stand–
if you want to avoid another visit, there’s really nothing to it when next it’s time to feed that sheep, let your wife do it!” www.docblakely.com
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Humorist Doc Blakely is a professional speaker/writer/musician/rancher from Wharton, Texas. He has been Pokin’ Fun at himself and life for 40 years.