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STANDING INSPECTION

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Pokin’ Fun
By Doc Blakely

For some reason Christmas
is the time of year when
your most daunting tasks
occur, like buying yourself
a new set of recaps to pass
the vehicle inspection then
learning that the tires were
recycled from a gorilla at
the zoo.
A friend of mine, an expert
in restoring old cars, told me
that he paid seven dollars
to get his car inspected and
a twenty dollar fine for an
oil slick where the car was
parked. They gave him some
free advice…get out and
stay out.
If you have a new car and
they find a serious problem,
like a faulty micro-chip in the
major computer component
it may cost thousands to
pull the engine to get to it.
There are mechanics now
that specialize in automotive
laparoscopy. They can work
on your inner-most workings
by inserting a wire up the
tail pipe.
A Cardiologist complained
to an Automotivologist
that the bill was too high
for an engine overhaul. The
mechanic said, “What’s the
difference? We both operate
on the heart of the person or
machine and you make a lot
more than I do.” The medic
said, “Try doing it with the
engine running.”
The mechanic had a good
bedside manner though, he
let the doctor take a spin
on his Creeper and wrote a
prescription for 6 weeks of
physical therapy through
Obama Car.
Another friend of mine (I
have two) took his old clunker
to get inspected. They told
him he’d better get some fuel
or get the gas gauge fixed
because the needle was on
serious empty. He explained
that he didn’t need a gauge,
hadn’t had a working one
on that car for 10 years.
He explained that he was
something of a mechanical
engineer himself and knew
exactly how much mileage
he got per gallon so he just
went by the odometer and
he had at least 5 more miles
to go before he ran out. He
ran out backing out of the
shop. When they asked what
went wrong with his calculations
he said he forgot that
he was in Arkansas and
everything was uphill no
matter where you went.
Lastly, it has come to my
attention that inspection
stations have run across
the same situations so much
that they have started putting
up signs to warn the
clientele. Here’s a sample in
one of the shops:
Labor, $40 per hour for
any needed repairs to pass
inspection.
$50 per hour if you want
to stand around and watch.
$60 per hour if you give
advice on how to do it.
$70 per hour if you tell us
war stories while we work.
$80 per hour if you tell
us jokes.
$90 per hour if we are
expected to laugh at your
jokes.
$100 per hour if you tweet,
twitter, tag, share, video or
play rap on any form of an
iThing within 50 yards of an
inspector. Have a politically
correct Merry Christmas.
www.docblakely.com
Humorist Doc Blakely
is a professional speaker/
writer/musician/rancher
from Wharton, Texas. He has
been Pokin’ Fun at himself
and life for 40 years.