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Sale Barn Transactions

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ON THE EDGE OF COMMON SENSE
by Baxter Black, DVM

John B and I were discussing
how hard it must
be for an auctioneer to
say somethin’ good about
every thing that walks
through a sale barn ring.
For the novice, we offer
the following explanations
for these rather ambiguous
descriptions.
“AIN’T SHE THE MAMA
KIND!” (If you ain’t got a
good sortin’ alley or a horse
and a long rope, you better
not try and get close to her
calf!)
“THESE STEERS WILL
GROW IN THE NIGHT!”
(You’ve never seen a pen of
chronic bloaters?)
“WATCH THIS RING! THE
NEXT CATTLE IN MIGHT BE
YOURS!” (This is a handful
of auctioneer buybacks that
have been bunched together
and are goin’ through a
second or third time!)
“THESE ARE THE CATTLE
YOU BEEN LOOKIN’
FOR!” (They slipped
through your fence that
first week and were raised
by your neighbor!)
“SHE’S THE RIGHT
KIND!” (Remember, that
was your first impression
of Donald Trump!)
“THEY’RE JUST LIKE
MONEY IN YOUR POCKET!”
(So, if you wanna keep it,
leave it there!)
“MIGHTY SMOOTH!”
(Mouthed!)
“DON’T PASS THIS ONE
UP!” (She’s not gonna last
much longer!)
“SHINY AS A NEW PENNY!”
(Maybe with a little
louse dip that hair will grow
back!)
“I KNOW THAT CALF
DON’T LOOK LIKE HIS
MAMA, BUT IT’S HERS!” (I
know ‘cause she lost her
own and we gave her that
one yesterday!)
“WOULD I STEER YOU
WRONG!” (As fast as lighting
leaves the sky!)
“A REAL HERD BUILDER!”
(If you could ever get
her settled!)
“THESE BABIES’LL TAKE
RIGHT OFF!” (To the office
lawn, the dead pile or parts
unknown!)
“THEY’LL PUT YOU IN
TALL COTTON!” (Scrub
oak, seed corn or at the
corner of 4th and Main,
dependin’ how long it takes
you to catch ‘em!)
“MAKE YA LOOK GOOD!”
(And stupid!)
“HERE’S ONE TO DRAW
TO!” (Now if you just had
two rat-tailed BVD survivors,
you’d have three of
a kind!)
“SOLID MOUTHED AND
FAT!” (Barren cows are always
fat!)
“YOUR NAME’S ON THIS
ONE!” (The by-products
man must be in the crowd!)
“SHE’LL FIT RIGHT IN!”
(The vet shack, the chronic
pen or the dead wagon!)
“THESE HEIFERS’LL
TURN YOUR MONEY
GREEN!” (Yer face red, yer
hair gray and yer banker
blue!)
“THIS STEER’S GOT
THE MAKIN’S’!” (of a real
chronic!)
“YA DON’T SEE ‘EM LIKE
THIS ANYMORE!” (Thank
goodness! I thought dwarfism
went out with smallpox!)
www.baxterblack.com