HE and ME
Change of Plans ( from mine to HIS)
Strength is not something I think I have had much of lately, I have repeatedly had to ask the Lord for it. In 1 Corinthians 15:58 “ Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” I know something great is on the other side of this whole thing, and God is really exercising my faith. It seems so hard when your prayers don’t heed the results you think they should, or the things God has shown you don’t turn out the way we thought they would.
I can remember a time in my life not going just the way I expected. In 1999 I was pregnant for the third time and thought it would just be routine like any other time. I prayed for that child just like I had for the previous two, I ate well and walked. I was quite healthy, and large I might add. The months lingered on and at the end, just like any other woman, I was ready for it to be over. When we go through a long struggle [physically, mentally, and spiritually] we tend to get weary. Our faith begins to waver at times. We ask ourselves “ Is this ever going to be over, is there an end to all this?”
Proverbs 1:27 “When your dread comes like a storm And your calamity comes like a whirlwind, When distress and anguish come upon you.”
Well, one afternoon in February, my water broke. I went to the hospital anticipating a short labor and a healthy baby. I was so looking forward to the pregnancy ending and a new beginning with my baby girl. Several hours in, something went greatly wrong, and we won’t go into all that, but it would be the next day before I could even begin to comprehend what had happened. That baby girl I had prayed for, was not to live here, she passed away due to all the unforeseen complications of the labor and birth. But she was perfect, and would wake up in Jesus’ arms. “ The Lord giveth,and the Lord taketh away, so sayeth the Lord.” I would find myself in and out for a few days. But when I was well enough (physically) I would go home, to an empty crib, and to deal with all that comes with losing a child. But I still had two other little girls that needed me. I had to carry on and go on with life, no matter how much my heart was broken. I’m not saying all this for anyone to feel sorry for me—just know that my thoughts are not His thoughts, and my ways are not His ways
His timing is also not our timing,
… So we can go confidently to the throne of God’s kindness to receive mercy
and find kindness, which will help us at the right time.
I just knew in that day, February 19th I would give birth to a healthy baby girl, and she would go home with me in a day or two. But that is not the way I planned it, or saw it, or even closely thought it would work out. Because God had given me a child, surely in 9 months I would take her home. But instead He had other plans for her and me, she would go home to Him, and I would find a new life. I would learn to pray through, just pray pray pray, till I found some kind of reason for it all. Because there is a reason for everything, and all for His glory. I would also look at my children in a different way, I loved them more, protected them more, and gave more of myself to them. I would also find my voice, one that helped others, others that had lost children and needed someone to talk to that had seen the pain that had just crippled them into a corner that they didn’t know if they would ever crawl out of. I would tell them how I learned to run to the arms of Jesus, and ask Him for literally everything. It would all take a turn of events that led to me speaking God’s word, and being just what God needed and had been grooming me to be.
I never imagined this is where I would be, or what I would be doing. But again I don’t think like God, or know His timing. It is all His Timing, His Order, and all for His glory! My life has greatly changed in 16 years, and yes I think of little Elizabeth everyday, but my life is no longer my own, it belongs to God. We just have to stay steadfast in HIM and pray throughout every situation, even when life doesn’t go as it should or see the results from our works we think we should. Why don’t things work out, because God has another plan, a better plan for you. You will find victory on the other side of your troubles, rewards that you also never imagined. We should praise Him only at two times, when we want to and when we don’t. God is good all the time!
Thank you Lord for Your plan,